


I will survive

by MysticallyGallavich



Series: Song Fics [7]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Death, Loss, M/M, Songfic, break-ups, letting go, nothappyending, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 05:01:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7346062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticallyGallavich/pseuds/MysticallyGallavich
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I will survive - Demi Lovato</p><p>Anon asks:  The song is the new version of "I will survive" by Demi Lovato. The prompt is: Post 6x01, Ian is at the Alibi with his family and Caleb, and Svetlana tells that Mickey is out of jail. For Ian this is a wake up call, he breaks up with Caleb instantly and he goes to Mickey for win him back but Mickey send him to fuck off. No happy ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I will survive

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. That's all I can say. I was asked not to give a happy ending and if anyone has read anything from me you'll know that's so hard for me. Because i love these boys and I want them to be happy so freaking much.

 

 _At first, I was afraid_  
_I was petrified_  
_Kept thinking I could never live_  
_Without you by my side_

Mickey Milkovich was a lot of things but a man who stood for being treated like shit had never been one of them. Aside from his father that is, he had lived through that shit and he knew that because of that, he could and would survive anything. And that's why, when he was in prison, mourning a relationship that when it was good, it was so fucking good that he decided to let it go.

_But then I spent so many nights  
Thinking how you did me wrong_

It wasn't easy. Of course, it wasn't. It took months to even come to the conclusion that leaving his memories of Ian behind was the only way to fucking do this. It was the only way to survive the time in there.

 

Of course, finding out about Caleb had set him back, it fucking sucked. When his ex-wife told him of the red-heads new love life, it killed him, and he had cried, and started fights and fallen apart. But that was then. He was out now. No more prison walls holding him back, holding him down. He had been out for a total of three weeks when Svetlana admitted that she accidentally told Ian he was out. He stilled for a minute, but only one. And he nodded and let it roll off of him. Who gave a shit? Ian had moved on, he had moved on. It would be fine.

 

 

It wasn't fine. Not by a long shot. Ian shows up at his fucking door. Looking like a sad puppy. Like he was the one who had been wronged. Like Mickey had been the one to leave and that pissed Mickey off. The crying and the apologies he ignored because the fire inside him boiled up as his anger resurfaced.

  


  
“Sorry???!!!!??? You are sorry? Just go.” Mickey says, not finding quite the right words to say to this man who he, at one time, had loved, with every breath in his body. After everything. He had wanted to be there for him, and he would have been. No matter the consequences and Ian had just walked away and found somebody else.

 _Go on now go walk out the door_  
_Just turn around now_  
_Cause you're not welcome anymore_  
_Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye_

“Mick…please. He didn't mean anything to me. I love…” And Mickey glares and cuts him off.

“No. You don't get to do that Ian. You don't. You had your chance, in fact, you've had plenty of chances, I've been in the same hell hole for three years. Every day you had the chance. You came to see me once and you were fucking paid for it. So fuck you. I let you go. I'm over you.” He says and he sees Ian break. He tries to hide it, he had to give Ian credit for that, he tries so hard but he can't and Mickey can see through it all.

  


Ian hangs his head. The defeat in his stance is obvious and even if Mickey wants to reach out to him, he doesn't. He can't because Ian doesn't deserve to feel better about this. He doesn't get to just show up and make it all go away because Mickey wasn't broken without him, he wouldn't be, not anymore. It was Ian's turn. And as much as it pained him to even think such thoughts about the red-head. He has no choice.

  


  
Mickey shuts the door in his face and breaks down for a minute. He stills. He can't move but it's only a minute and he straightens back up and walks further into the house. He was done. He was fine.

 

_It took all the strength I had  
Not to fall apart_

Ian stands silently outside of the Milkovich house, he hears the cries, and he stays, feeling like a creep for listening to them but he does, he needs to hear them. Because if he doesn't, he'll come back, he'll come back over and over again because he needs Mickey, but in that movement, listening to his ex-break down for just a moment, he knows he can't. He has done enough.

 

Ian went home that day, and didn't go back, he pulled out a piece of paper and wrote the words down. Not a letter to Mickey, not yet, this is for him, he needs this. He needs to say it. He needs it all out so he writes and he writes, and he cries onto the paper.

 

Ian might not have invented for Mickey to read the words he wrote but he reads them anyway. Months later, as he stands In the cold wind outside the Gallagher house after Fiona hands the paper and softly says. “You need to read this.” He listens to her because what else is he supposed to do but read the words that his ex-boyfriend wrote.

 

 

Mickey is sitting on the back steps of the Gallagher home when he feels the warmth of someone placing their hand on his shoulders. It's Lip. “You did what you could Mick.” He says softly.

“I didn't answer the phone,” Mickey says crying.

  
Mickey stands by a tree as he watches for a minute. The people that surrounded Ian Gallagher for his entire life and Mickey just stands until Fiona waves him over. This isn't happening. He sees him, and he looks down at his face. His perfect face, the face that he had once loved so damn much and whispers a soft, I love you.

 

  
Mickey straightens up and speaks. “Ian Gallagher was, or rather is the love of my life. But I didn't really know that I was his. Not really. I stand here today, not because we were this great thing, I mean we were when it was good, but we fell apart. Maybe it was his illness, maybe it was just us. But we did. So here I stand because some asshole drove his car off a bridge. I'm here because he was trying to call me as he went over. And I'm here because in spite of all of  
The shit, we loved each other.

“I love you, Ian Gallagher!” He yells out before stepping away. Ian may not have killed himself, but it sure the fuck felt like it.

  
Mickey stares down at the letter that Ian wrote, to Nobody in particular and stares at the end of it. “I'm going to let Mickey go. Not  
For me, but for him. I heard him crying behind that door and I knew. He could never forgive me for giving up on us, and I don't know how to tell him I never did. And that I will love him until I take my very last breath.” And Mickey cries.

“Me too Gallagher. Me fucking too. You wait for me wherever you are damn it.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Again. I'm so sorry. I wasn't planning on taking it there but my mind did and once my mind makes itself up there is little to nothing I can do about it. ;) gonna go work on some happy fluffy writing now.


End file.
